I am going to post a one time statement in response to some
behind the scenes communication that has been spread across the internet to
many of my family members. Normally I do
not use social media as a forum to spew drama of any sort, and seriously frown
upon others that do so. However, since my
brother, Jeremy, decided that social media was the perfect place to spew his
version of these issues (I suppose the act of libel means very little to him) I
believe it is necessary for me to voice my response using the same media forum. I will also reiterate that this is a one time
statement that I am publicly posting – I will not even respond to any comments
posted. If anyone wants to ask me for
more information, feel free to private message me. I have nothing to hide, I am not trying to
“protect” anyone, nor would I ever turn away a loved one who was completely
looking out for my best interest.
I am sure that those of you who have no clue what I am
talking about are probably massively confused.
Just hold on. You will get the gist
of it in a bit. And I apologize in
advance for including you in this drama – I’m just not sure who all was
included in the original “mass message”.
In the not so distant past I chose to walk away from my church
life for personal reasons. It was not an easy decision to make, nor was
it made frivolously or overnight. Let me
state, I am still ME! I still love my
family, care about my friends, and work hard at my job. I still have morals and values in my life. I still have faith in God. I am not the first person to make such a
change in their life, nor will I be the last.
While I do agree that this is a lifestyle change for me, it does not
mean that I have to go to hell in a hand basket. However, it has become apparent to me that
there are those who are willing to judge me as such. I have not lost my mind, my sense of
direction, my ability to be a good judge of character. I acknowledge the fact that to a degree I am
naïve, open and accepting. That does not
make me stupid.
After remaining single for 17 years, I have met a man who
has become special to me, and I want to pursue a relationship with him – to see
where this goes. I have been advised to
not just date one person – to date around, play the field. I am 43. Young enough to have much life left to live,
yet old enough to know who I am. Let me
just say that I have met a couple other men and we just didn’t click. My friend and I do. I have no desire to play the field at my age,
but do see the concern, whether necessary or not, of ending up with the first
person I meet. We are not engaged, not
getting married, just dating. At this
point, there is no one else I am interested in.
That does not mean that we are a permanent item – only time will tell
that. I had no idea that my dating life
would become subject to harassment and scrutiny. I set my own personal desires
aside while my children were small and dedicated my life to raising them. I have done my best by them. I am not perfect, do not claim to have been a
perfect parent, nor that my children are perfect. We are just our version of normal. I try to stay out of everyone’s business, and
thought I could expect the same.
Evidently I was wrong.
This man, who does not live locally, and I decided after
emailing, texting and talking that we would like to meet in person to see if we
wanted to start dating. This transpired
right before the Christmas holidays. We
met, liked each other, and decided to continue pursuing the relationship. At this time, he informed me that he had a
past that was not good and enlightened me with that information. He wanted me to know that he had a past he
could not change, but that he had tried for several years to make his life
better. I took his word that the
information he shared with me was the truth, the complete truth, and decided I
still wanted to pursue the relationship.
Keep in mind – we are only DATING.
You know…the process where two people get to know each other better?!?
Upon finding out that he was going to be alone until after
the Christmas holidays, and asking permission from Mom and Gerard and getting
my kids ok, I asked him if he would like to attend our family reunion the
Saturday after Christmas. He
accepted. In retrospect, I realize this
was a bad decision. It gave the
impression that we were further along in our relationship than we were. I am not sorry I brought him, nor am I
ashamed of him, but I am sorry that I subjected him to unwanted censorship and
speculation. For this, I owe HIM an
apology. For some reason, I thought my
close family would support my new friendship.
It would seem that this was not the case. (Please do not misunderstand - I had many family members there of whom I am NOT referring to.)
During the day I informed my brother of my friend’s past
after his tattoos were commented upon. I
did have one piece of information incorrect and attempted to rectify this
later, but it went unheeded. I mentioned
an argument between my friend and his ex-wife, but I had completely
misconstrued this information in my mind.
Ask anyone who knows me, I don’t always pay attention to the details and
easily get mixed information. The
incident was actually a disorderly conduct situation at a Mardi Gras, where my
friend spent overnight in jail. This
happened when his son was 3 months old, and his son is now 17 years old. This incident does not even show up on any
background check or criminal history report.
To be clear, there was NO incident involving my friend and his ex-wife.
The next morning I received a phone call from my brother advising
me that a background check was being performed and already tons of information
was flooding in and this guy was a habitual offender and I needed to get away
from him asap. What I was NOT informed
of is that this information was also forwarded to my family members, most of
who have NO DESIRE to hear about my love life!
I was told this was being done out of care and love and concern for
me…but if that were the case – I would have been given the information privately,
no one else would have been privy to it and I would have been treated like the
adult I am and given the space to make my own conclusions and decisions. Instead, I feel as though I have been
railroaded, isolated, and degraded. To
make sure that we are all on the same page – my friend gave me his Louisiana
To catch you up, the “claims” against my friend are as
follows – in my brothers private message to various other family members (I was
conveniently left out of this) on December 31, 2013 – 2 DWI’s, 2 Class B
Driving while license suspended, Fail to Identify-fugitive from justice, False
report to a police officer, Class B Criminal Mischief, Motor vehicle theft, 2
burglary of a habitation with intent to commit theft, 2 unspecified charges, a
felony fatality accident where the details are unclear as to whether it was DWI
or fleeing from police. In total 6
misdemeanors and 4 felonies in TX alone – no telling where else there were
violations as he evidently lived in at least 3 other states (LA, KY, and FL),
had 11 aliases and at least 3 different dates of birth. My brother claimed to have proof of
ALL of these violations and accusations.
I will take this moment to state that people who live in
glass houses should not cast stones.
Everyone has something in their past they are not proud of. My friend has no history of child
molestation, spousal abuse, domestic violence, sexual crimes of any nature,
weapons, drugs, or alcohol violations. I
know that my brother has a past. Just
because your past is wiped away because you committed your sins before you were
18, or because someone had enough money to help them disappear does NOT mean
that your past did not happen. It did –
don’t forget it. Restraining orders,
shop-lifting, family violence, AWOL. And
let’s not leave out verbal & emotional abuse– these are issues that people
do not easily forget. Especially when
you have been at the receiving end a time or two. And remember, you are who you are – youth is
NOT an excuse…right?
His private message to me had basically the same
information, but included some “persuasion”.
First of all, my friend has been accused of “marking his territory” by
liking things on my page and tagging me in posts on his page since we became FB
friends. Isn’t that what friends
do? I have been informed that he makes
my sister’s ex-husband look like a saint.
I won’t even go into details about him (my sister’s ex) for the sake of
my family’s privacy. I was told how
concerned that my father and grandfather were – and I have no reason to NOT
believe this – however, they never contacted me with their concerns. I was informed that my church family has been
calling my dad and texting my brother out of their concern for my personal well
being and safety in light of all this information. I can see how one or two might call my dad
just to check on me, but texting my brother?
How would my personal church friends have my brother’s cell phone # when
he hasn’t been a member of that church since he was about 12 years old? My true church friends have taken the time to
contact me on MY cell phone – and I have kept in contact with them. I will just add that I had not told one of my
friends from church about my friend.
Again – we just were not THERE in our relationship!!!
When I responded to my brothers private message asking him
to forward me the information he had, I was told to call him – not text him
because I am afraid of confrontation. It
didn’t matter that I was merely hitting “reply” to his private message to me on
FB. I was accused of changing my phone #
because I don’t want to hear the truth.
The misinformation in that statement is that my father had purchased a
cell phone for me as a birthday present a couple of years ago and I received a
text from him notifying me that my phone would be disconnected by 4pm that
afternoon and if I wanted to keep my number I needed to go take care of
it. I opted to use a different provider,
therefore had to get a new number. It’s
really that simple. I’m NOT hiding, I’m
NOT afraid! Seriously, get real! And get a life! I had no choice but to get a new phone #.
I was warned by my brother to stay away from my father and
his family, my grandfather, and my brother and his family, for as long as I
continued to make such bad judgment calls.
Clearly my friend smeared his OWN name and what my brother was doing was
completely justifiable. I was told to
have my daughter give my grandfather his garage door opener and the keys to his
house back (she stays the nights with him often), and to get my daughters to
quit lying to my grandfather-what they are lying about I do not know. My brother stated he had sent me paper work
and I had refused it. (I will notate here
that he did provide me proof that he had sent me an email (it did not show any
attachment), but I never received it and when I went to check my spam…too much
time had passed and that date of emails was gone). He wanted to know why I didn’t bring my friend
to my grandfather’s house for Christmas Eve – doesn’t matter that we hadn’t
gotten that far in our relationship yet.
He wanted to know why I will sit down with certain family members, and
not others? I can answer that. The family members that I have sat down and
spoken with came to ME when my brother made his accusations to hear my side of
the story, and my friend’s side of the story.
And even though my friend has had the same job for multiple years, he
has now been accused of being unemployed.
To make matters worse – it is now assumed that my friend lives with me
since he has been seen at my house on several occasions. REALLY???
Come on! This no longer borders
on ridiculousness – it is full blown obsessive crazy.
Let me tell you what I have done and what the cold hard
truth really is. My friend volunteered
his drivers license number and his TDC# to me to check him out. I took the information that my brother sent
to other family members and gave it to another friend of mine who is in law
enforcement. That friend was able to
take it to someone who could read it and they were able to obtain a full blown
National FBI Criminal Report on my friend.
It completely matches up with the information that my friend gave me up
front when we first met. It’s bad…I
don’t deny that – auto theft and a one, not two, burglary of a habitation,
driving while license suspended, and a false report to a police officer. What you need to be aware of – if it even
matters to you (it did to me) is that most of this is one incident and the most
RECENT offense was in 1993!!! He was 23
years old.
All the other charges?
Not him! The aliases – I was
informed are not truly aliases. And
there are no multiple dates of birth.
The report my friend obtained is the report of all reports – no one can
obtain a more conclusive, current, or accurate report. It is not Texas
I have given this information to my brother in the hopes
that he would let this go. He will
not. His obsessiveness over this issue, which I remind you is absolutely NONE of his business, is harassment. The private messages to my friend, which are poorly concealed threats for him to stay away, and the ones to me including warnings that he WILL soon be arrested, are beyond care and compassion. It's unhealthy and I want it to stop. I am of the opinion that every one
deserves a second chance. I have
received second chances, and so has Jeremy, my brother – many of them. And don’t even pretend that there has been no
criminal mischief on his part ever. We
all know better. I would use the excuse
that it was all when he was young and immature, but as my brother so clearly
stated – once a criminal (or convict) always one. Age has no bearing on the stupidity of a man
(or woman). Apparently he never heard
the story of Saul in the Bible. A man
who tortured and persecuted Christians, yet was forgiven by Christ and became a
disciple. I could go on and on, but I
digress. What point is there in trying
to talk to the deaf? Or the dumb?
Now things have become more personal…my daughter unfriended
certain family members and was informed that this was disrespectful. I can assure you it was not done out of
disrespect, but out of an attempt to keep my brother from nit picking every
pic, post and comment she makes. He has
made it his personal goal to make rude, hurtful and sarcastic comments on
several of my children’s posts. I assume
he believes it is okay for him to bully others, but don’t pick on him or
his. Typical bully small-minded
mentality. Nevertheless, my brother has
informed me that he has another family member (I will not name) that is keeping
him informed of our activities and postings.
He has advised me to tell my children to stop posting their smart A**
S&^% on FB – but let’s not ask the same of him! I have given my children permission – and
will take this liberty myself once this post is made public – to unfriend
anyone who chooses to use facebook as a tool to bully, ridicule, or belittle us
OR who chooses to use their friend status to keep my brother informed. Not only will you be unfriended, you will be blocked. I don’t need this kind of drama. At first I contemplated getting rid of my FB
page in its entirety – but why should I?
Just because one or two people choose to use FB as a weapon instead of a
tool, I should not have to cut myself off from my friends and family members
that I love and who I wish to remain in contact with. Let’s not forget that my brother, Jeremy,
their uncle, has made it clear that he no longer wishes to have any form of
relationship with my children – they are no longer a part of his life. His words – I have the private message to
prove it.
I have been informed that I shot 20 years of good away in
only 3 weeks! My life is in shambles and
the ruins are falling all about my feet.
It is of no apparent consequence that I am not the one bringing the
drama and chaos to my life – my brother is.
Did any of you know that my friend refused to let me out of my house on
New Years? My brother did. Let’s not take into consideration that there
are pics of me OUTSIDE, or the fact that I went SHOPPING! I know where that information came from and I
promise you that I set the record straight on that point. But did he ASK me if this was true? No. He
stated it as fact. I have been notified
that while I am being beaten to death over the next 6 months, and can no longer
pay my bills, to not come to certain family members to borrow money (because
this is evidently something I do). I
will just have to remember that I turned MY back on my family…not the other way
around! Are you kidding me? You really need to ask yourself how close you
are to me. How well do you know me? Or my children? If you think that spending a few hours 3 or 4
times a year at family holidays or events constitutes a close relationship –
you need to look the word up in the dictionary.
I believe an investment in TIME is required to develop a real
relationship. And as much as I realize I
am partially to blame for that deficiency, it is a two way street.
Please remember, and take into consideration, that
everything in my post would not have been necessary if my brother, Jeremy, had
chosen to take the high road and be an adult.
If he would not have posted any of this on social media, and had given
me the right to choose for myself, even if my decision went against his better
judgment – I would NEVER have taken this route to get my point across. I believe in keeping quiet – that usually you
do not need to say anything at all – time shows all things as they are. However, after he posted, I realized I needed
to have a voice – even if for just this one time. I wanted people to know the truth – the
entire truth – and to be given the opportunity to make their own
conclusions. I realize there are those
who love me unconditionally and who will stand beside me no matter what choice
I make. There are those that will see
this post for what it is and let bygones be bygones. And I realize there are those that will use
this as another tool in their tactics for bullying. It’s time to let it go. Everyone has a life and I am certain that
mine is not important or interesting enough to capture everyone’s or anyone’s
attention for the amount of time it has taken to read my “novel”.
All I have left to say is to my friend. I apologize.
I am so sorry that a past that you have worked 2 DECADES (A GENERATION!)
to make better has been dug up and slung back into your face. I apologize that it was at the hands of my
family, thereby ME, that caused you to suffer through this. I am sincerely regretful that I had to post the intimate details of your past to alleviate the false accusations being slung around. I also want to thank you. For being honest and upfront with me from the
beginning. For freely disclosing such
personal information and volunteering to give me what I needed to obtain such
private information about you so that my family and I might have some peace of
mind. For granting me permission to make
a bad situation a little bit better – even at your own expense. And most of all, for your patience and
understanding throughout it all.
In conclusion allow me the opportunity to say that
regardless, this is MY life, MY decision, and I will be the one to either reap
the benefits or pay the consequences. Someone else’s
misguided approval or disapproval will have no bearing upon that. I am fully aware of what he fails to give me
credit for – having a sound mind, an ability to make good judgment calls, and of
standing up for myself, my friend, my children, my family, and what is right.
To those of you who opted to believe the rants and false
accusations without giving me any consideration – your loss. Evidently you had little faith in me to begin
with and this situation only emphasized that fact. To those of you who have contacted me to hear
my side, or who have sat back to see what truth comes forth without passing
judgment based on libelous, over exaggerated accusations and mud-slinging - thank
you all for taking the time to read this entire posting – I am certain it was
trying – but your persistence and patience gives me courage and hope!
